A school culture war rages, but not one you might guess

Sociologists have informed us of a rise in victimhood culture and the decline of dignity culture. They describe a large-scale moral shift occurring toward imbuing conflict in socially ambiguous situations and seeing the “other” as direct opposition. On the other hand with dignity culture, “when intolerable conflicts do arise, dignity cultures prescribe direct but nonviolent actions” to find middle ground.

In victimhood culture, “the aggrieved actively seek the support of third parties as well as those that focus on oppression.” Every conflict becomes pregnant with moral superiority. Research on the victimhood mindset postulates, “While splitting the world into those who are ‘saints’ versus those who are ‘pure evil’ may protect oneself from pain and damage to their self-image, it ultimately stunts growth and development and ignores the ability to see the self and the world in all of its complexities.”

Have you fallen into the victimhood mindset? Ask yourself: Is President Donald Trump pure evil? Or heaven sent? Is the opposing political platform morally corrupt and is yours without fault?

This is a key job of the parent; to help our children see that everyone has value and no one is all “good” or all “bad” no matter what they do, think or say. So how can we teach our children to fight against beliefs siloed by polarized thinking?

Let’s look at infants and young children. Ever hear a toddler say “I love you” and then five minutes later in the Target aisle throw a tantrum and say “I hate you?” When kids are very young they grow in internalizing that even when mommy says you can’t have another cookie, mommy is not all bad. She provides a toy and the child sees her as good again. This cycle goes on and these tiny paradoxes create the opportunity for the child to reconcile that mommy is not all good or all bad, but instead a mixture of loving actions who can both frustrate and provide relief.

Like most ways we teach our children, gradual development comes in a million tiny lessons over time. We need to encourage their growth by challenging assumptions and introducing complexities of thought, situations and people.

For older kids and teens, parents can watch Fox News and CNN with them and discuss how each perspective has glaring blind spots and legitimate strengths. Adolescents develop through finding like-minded people but we can teach that “us” should never come at the expense of “them” through shaming or belittling.

Teachers can empower students to think critically through the many layers of any given topic when constructing a viewpoint and actively listen to someone with a differing opinion. Developing lasting relationships with people of diverse views leads us to engage them as friends, not as foes. Isolation breeds dichotomous thinking.

This is a hard road though. Social media, news feeds and influencers all tend to lead us to conclusions of our own tendency. The nature of algorithms is ever narrowing of original viewpoint, not expanding.

If victimhood culture seeks to heighten the extremity of the offense and gain an army of supporters, the dignity culture seeks common ground. As described by researchers, in a dignity culture “individuals are construed as relatively equal, with each having a stable and internal sense of worth.”

But compromise doesn’t get clicks … or votes.

There is a great vilification of anyone who disagrees with someone with a victim mindset, every conflict becomes a conflict of good and evil, right and wrong, between morality and wickedness. An obvious flaw to this logic, all conflict is not based on moral absolutes, in fact most conflict is not. Preserving the dignity of those you are in disagreement with is no longer rewarded or even admired. Compromise is seen as weakness and dog eat dog is the rule of the day — for both parties and political extremes.

We can teach our kids that real strength is shown by finding middle ground, and compromise is how we make forward progress in democracy. Real power is not bullying or demanding your own way, rather it is listening and seeking common ground for public good. We’ll see if the 2025 Georgia General Assembly can lean into dignity culture or if they will succumb to the current trend of victimhood culture.

No matter what though, we must teach our kids to reach out, lean in and move toward others, especially those with which we don’t agree. It’s impossible to see eye to eye if we’re always standing on a soap box.

Beth Collums is an Atlanta-based writer with a professional background in child and family therapy. She often writes about mental health, relationships and education.