Deep internal anger at the world or even at one person can get in your way. When you’re angry at the world, you may not want to do anything but remain stuck in your own pit of despair. Unfortunately, anger can become an excuse for not reaching out and healing the problem — and getting on with your life.
I have been mad at the world before, as well as at some of the people in it, and have retreated to the comfort of my own solitude, and doing this gets lonely and boring. Isolation is a poor substitute for companionship, but sometimes my emotions get the best of me, and I sit and stew in my own anger. What a waste.
My dad once told me that the first one who gets mad loses. It has proven too true in my life thus far, so I do my best to control my anger. Expressing anger does me no good, and it can push other people away or hurt their feelings, which is not something I ever want to do.
Instead, I do what I can to focus my energy and creativity on positive behaviors. Only good can come from doing this, but it does take some effort and awareness. You have to catch yourself before you lash out or say something inappropriate — and that covers almost anything said in anger.
Avoid getting stuck in fruitless attempts at retaliation when you get mad at someone. Better to let go of the anger than to waste time and energy doing or saying something snarky to hurt the person who ticked you off. It will only serve to distance you further, and that’s not what’s best for you or anyone.
It helps if you have the presence of mind when angry to imagine how the other person would react to what you have the urge to do or say. Better to stop before saying something that you’ll later regret. In fact, it’s better to wait until you have cooled down before you say (or email or text) anything. Even though there could be some psychological release from venting your anger, it’s too toxic to use.
Bottom line is to think first before you give someone a piece of your mind. You will get angry at times, no matter how much you love someone or have invested in a project. But you have options.
Make the choice that allows you to be who you are and stick to your beliefs but without hurting the relationship or losing it. It will be hard to rebuild or replace.
Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D. is an award-winning psychotherapist and humanitarian. He is also a columnist, the author of 8 books, and a blogger for PsychologyToday.com with over 35 million readers. He is available for in-person & video consults worldwide, reach him at Barton@BartonGoldsmith.com.
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