At 71, Carlton Thomas is still single — and still writing his own script.
He remembers the moment it hit him. He was alone in his home in Ringgold, trying to line up the charging paddle for the spinal stimulator beneath his skin — a task that requires patience, flexibility and, ideally, a second set of hands. And in that moment, he thought: Wouldn’t it be great if I had somebody to put it on for me?
It’s not that he regrets the life he has lived. A theater and debate teacher for decades, Thomas carved out a career full of purpose, traveling the country coaching teams, mentoring students and, in 2000, earning a place in the Georgia Forensic Coaches Association Hall of Fame.
“I’ve been very busy,” he said. “There was a relationship that I had in college that ended poorly, I guess, and I just never got into the swing after that.”
Thomas is among a significant group of people who are in their 50s, 60s or beyond and are, for a variety of reasons, single. For many, being single is a choice — but a nuanced one.
Credit: Provided
Credit: Provided
At least once, Thomas came “dangerously close” to marriage. But he never walked down the aisle and never had children. Instead, he threw himself into his work, finding fulfillment in friendships, theater productions and travel. In retirement, he has guided land excursions in Alaska and worked with local theater groups.
“There are times I do wish I was not alone, especially now that I’m getting older and I have to have rides to the doctor because of sedation or a process they’re going to do,” he said, adding that extended family and friends help fill those needs.
Even so, he is quick to push back on assumptions about single men.
“A lot of people think that single men are all gay, and that’s not the case,” he said. “Another one is that single men just like to mess around with women all the time.” Neither stereotype fits his story, he said.
Thomas does not believe there’s a single formula for happiness — married or not — but he does believe that people should not seek a relationship in order to be fulfilled.
“Don’t try too hard to get married,” he said. “Live your life first, and don’t try to find somebody to make you happy because if you’re not happy (already), that person is not going to make you happy.”
Making peace with her own space
Miryam Relis, who lives in Peachtree Corners, was once married, but for the past 27 years she’s been “happily unattached.”
At 83, she fills her days with book clubs, pottery, dinners with friends and the quiet comfort of her own condo.
“I loved not having to share with anybody to be honest with you,” she said. “I’m still in awe of the fact I walk around my condo and it’s all mine. If I make a mess, it’s my fault … I’m happy.”
Relis has worked in office settings, as a pet sitter and even had a gig giving out food samples at Costco. She said friendship has been a rich part of her life, though it also comes with its own grief. Several close friends died in a short period of time.
“It happens when you’re my age, but (usually) not all at one time,” she said.
Relis said she has noticed people often don’t understand why someone would choose to remain single. Over the years, she’s casually dated but found herself preferring the independence she has built.
Health concerns among peers, the shrinking size of her generation and gender norms have shaped her dating outlook and the size of the dating pool. Still, what surprises her more than anything are the assumptions people make about being single.
“I remember years ago (someone) said, ‘Why aren’t you with a man?’ And I said, ‘Why do I have to be?’” she said. “He said, ‘Well, you look good in a bathing suit.’ I just looked at him. There’s no answer to that. He’s still an idiot.”
When grief opens the door to singledom
Missy Taylor sees singleness in older age from a different perspective — one shaped by loss.
As an associate minister at North Atlanta Church of Christ, Taylor helps lead a GriefShare support group, a national program offering support for people experiencing bereavement. For many of her group participants, single life isn’t a long-held decision but a sudden reality.
“Adjusting to the idea of being single after a long period of relationship can feel overwhelming,” she said. “They’re trying to figure out who they are now.”
She recalled a widow who had shared season tickets to the symphony with her husband. For a time, the thought of attending without him was unbearable. But eventually, she chose to go — alone.
“She went, and it was a beautiful experience,” Taylor said. “She is finding ways to create a full life as a single person.”
Some widows and divorcees in her group express hope of finding a new partner. Others find purpose in exploring the next chapter on their own. Taylor encourages people to start small. Just show up, she says, and trust the process.
Credit: Provided
Credit: Provided
Dating after 50, and then some
Tonya Lewis knows something about reinvention. Now 63, she’s a model, a flight attendant and the voice behind “The Diary of Dating Over 50″ on YouTube.
In her late 50s, her children grown, Lewis began to pursue new dreams. Last year, she almost got married — but called it off after learning things she could not ignore.
“I said, ‘You know what? I’m just going to be single for a while,’” she said.
Lewis said dating today is a maze of apps, algorithms and low expectations. In a culture where instant gratification often trumps commitment, many daters skip the hard conversations — or disappear entirely.
“I’ve been ghosted before, and I’ve probably ghosted somebody,” she said.
While Lewis has not ruled out love, she said she’s not interested in constantly proving her worth.
“I don’t want to have to always remind somebody, ‘Hey I’m over here!’” she said. “And that’s what you have to do. You’ve got to send them a picture then you’ve got to send them a text … you’ve always got to remind them that you’re over here … instead of them courting, pursuing. I’m back there in the day where we locked eyes and then we went together and we showed each other (love). You didn’t have to guess if that person wanted you.”
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